The Baby Script
by Willowdove
Summary: Zuko and Katara are having a baby! Mood swings, cravings, and hilarity ensue. Zutara, Sukka and Taang
1. Chapter 1

Katara: Toph! Aang! It's so good to see you guys again!

Toph: What? No, that cant be right *mumble mumble*

Aang: Something wrong Toph?

Toph: Sweetness, come over here (puts her hands on Katara's stomach)

Katara: Toph what are you doing?

Toph: (smiles) Well, well, well. Well done, Sparky.

Zuko: Toph what are you talking about?

Toph: Sugar Queen here has a second heart beat. And that means-

Aang: A second...

Zuko: Heartbeat...

Katara: REALLY?

Toph: You mean you weren't just surprising us?

Iroh: (chuckles) Oh it was a surprise alright.

Toph: You really don't know?

Katara: Zuko Im pregnant!

Zuko: (in shock) You're pregnant!

Katara: I'm pregnant! (hugs him) (Zuko pats her back awkwardly)

* * *

Katara: Do you think it's a boy or a girl?

Zuko: Hmm. I don't know.

Katara: I think it's a girl.

Zuko: (sees flash of mini Azula) Agni no it cant be a girl

Katara: Zuko!

Zuko: It's a boy. It's got to be.

Katara: No it doesn't GOT to be. And it isn't. Im SURE it's a girl.

Zuko: No!

Katara: Don't tell me you're becoming a sexist jerk like Uncle Sokka.

Zuko: What? No! …Wait, UNCLE Sokka?

Katara: Yeah. Uncle Sokka. We should get in practice calling him that so the baby learns it.

Zuko: He isn't even around to hear it yet

Katara: SHE might not be able to hear us yet, but that doesn't mean we shouldnt start considering her in our speech

Zuko: Alright MOM

Katara: (rubs her belly) That's right. Mommys here... (Zuko stalks off exasperated)

* * *

Sokka: Zuko! Get your hands off my baby sister!

Zuko: Good to see you too, Sokka.

Sokka: Oh no! Don't good to see you too Sokka, me.

Katara: (excited) Sokka!

Sokka: I have half a mind to boomerang your head off.

Katara: Now Sokka. We have been married a whole year. These kinds of things tend to happen.

Sokka: Yeah but-

Suki: You didn't even wait a year with me.

Zuko and Katara: Suki!

Suki: Surprise!

Katara: I thought you weren't coming! You were going to stay home with the baby.

Suki: I was. But then I figured, since your mothers gone and Gran-Gran's so far away in the South Pole, you could use some motherly advice.

Katara: Oh Suki that's so sweet!

Suki: Don't mention it. I already took leave from the Kyoshi Warriors to take care of little Solan. Ty Lee's in charge for now, can you believe it? Anyway, we'll be here as long as you need us. Right Sokka?

Sokka: I'm keeping my eye on you, Jerk Lord Jerko.

* * *

Katara: Zuko! (shakes awake)

Zuko: Whaa huh?

Katara: I'm hungry!

Zuko: (rolls over with a grunt) So eat something

Katara: But I don't feel like _moving_

Zuko: Come _on_ Kat. It's the middle of the night.

Katara: GET ME SOME FOOD NOW.

* * *

Katara: Zuko am I fat?

Zuko: Kat, you know I think you're beautiful-

Katara: You think I'm FAAATTTT

Zuko: No! I never said that-!

Katara: You didn't have to!

(Sokka giggles)

Katara: Sokka you don't think I'm fat, do you?

Sokka: Uh...

Katara: You do! I knew it I am getting fat!

Sokka: No Katara that's not it at all-

Katara: You don't have to lie to me.

Sokka: I'm not lying I'm-

Katara: You're meeeeeean (runs away)

* * *

Suki: The pain is the worst thing you will ever experience in your life, but it's worth it.

Katara: Yeah, I've heard that.

Suki: Seriously. It's like someone stuck your stomach full of daggers and is slowly and painfully twisting them down your abdominal track until you are split completely open. And with all the blood gushing out I thought I was gonna die.

(Sokka faints)

Suki: Spirits Sokka! I'm not in labor anymore!

* * *

Katara: You know I went to this restaurant the other day while you were doing paperwork.

Zuko: Mhm?

Katara: And they had the most delicious food. I have never tasted anything so heavenly. And the appetizer was the best thing ive ever eaten. You wouldn't think it, but re-fried pickles can truly be gourmet

Zuko: ... You're telling me all this so I'll go get you some, aren't you.

Katara: Yes please.

* * *

(Katara is bawling in the corner) (Enter Zuko)Z

Zuko: Katara! Something wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby?

Katara: No! No!

Zuko: What is it?

Katara: It's just, I broke this bowl. And it's just... so SAD...

Zuko: Katara...

Katara: It will never be complete again!

Zuko: Katara it's just a bowl

Katara: How could you! You unfeeling, selfish jerk! I thought I loved you!

Zuko: Katara-

Katara: I'm leaving!

Zuko: What?

Katara: I'm going to move in with Suki and Sokka!

Zuko: You realize they're staying in the palace with us, right?

Katara: I'm moving out and you can't stop me!

Zuko: Wait! Katara!

Katara: No!

* * *

Sokka: Katara do you think you might have been over-reacting a little bit?

Katara: WHAT? What's WRONG with you men? Don't you have a heart at all?!

(Suki enters, bouncing baby in her hip)

Suki: Yeah Sokka be a little more sensitive

Sokka: But she's grieving over a bowl!

Suki: Exactly. It's a tragedy.

Katara: (blubbering) See I knew you'd understand Suki.

Suki: Here, why don't you sit down for a moment. I have to warm up Solan's bottle.

(Katara falls asleep instantly on couch)

Suki: (to Sokka) Didn't you learn anything from when I was pregnant? Just nod your head and agree. The pregnant lady's always right.

Sokka: But she can't stay here!

Suki: Why not?

Sokka: Because! She'll wake up in the middle of the night wanting food and I'll have to go get it for her!

Suki: Oh, suck it up Sokka. When she wakes up tomorrow morning she'll realize this whole thing was stupid and go back home. Well, upstairs. And then you won't have to worry yourself.

* * *

Katara: Zuko I'm so SORRRYYY

Zuko: It's alright Katara. I forgive you.

Katara: But I shouldn't have walked out like that. Even if I was upset. This is a journey we have to make together.

Zuko: Right. I'm glad you see that.

Katara: She is your baby too.

Zuko: You mean HE.

Katara: You're not still on that, are you?

Zuko: Of course I'm still on it. I'm scared to death it'll be another Azula.

Katara: (blinks) Thats what this is about?

Zuko: Yeah. Pretty much.

Katara: But Zuko, even if she LOOKS like Azula, she's not being raised by her. We're good people. Well make sure she comes out right.

Zuko: You think so?

Katara: I know so. Besides, she could just as easily be another me.

Zuko: (has flashback of Kat threatening to kill him) Oh Agni...

* * *

Zuko: She's driving me crazy, Sokka!

Sokka: (sarcastic) Noooo. I couldn't have guessed.

Zuko: I'm being serious here

Sokka: Yeah, I know you are. Don't worry, it was the same with Suki. They just go crazy for a few months. It'll be full of mood swings and insanity and you'll want to claw your ears off just so you don't have to listen to them ordering you around. But then afterward it's all worth it. When you hold your baby boy for the first time- well, he'll probably pee on you- and don't get me wrong that's totally gross- but it's a defining moment in your life. Everything changes. Life starts to revolve around the baby. Oh, he'll wake you up in the middle of the night all the time crying, but you'll love him so much it'll hardly matter. See these circles under my eyes? I haven't slept since Solan was BORN-

Zuko: ...Sokka you're not really helping...

Sokka: But my POINT IS it's all okay. Of course first you've got to go through that one horrible, horrible night first-

Zuko: Sokka...

Sokka: Full of screams and pain and Suki threatening to tear your balls off next time you touch her and then theres all this blood and you see the hair... coming out... (faints)

Zuko: Sokka!

Sokka: (comes to) Man, what did I _eat_? Sorry man. What were we talking about?

Zuko: Er... Never mind.

* * *

Zuko: (lying in bed, arm slung over Katara's belly) Katara. Did you feel that?

Katara: Mhm. You can feel it now too?

Zuko: (places hands on belly reverently) He's growing so strong.

Katara: She.

Zuko: ...Are we really going to do this every time?

Katara: It will stop when you cease insisting our baby is the wrong gender.

Zuko: You can't see him. How do you know what his gender is?

Katara: I don't know. Maybe the same way you do?

oOo

Katara: Why doesn't the palace have any sea prunes?

Unlucky Palace Servant: Because this is the Fire Nation and they don't grow here?

Katara: GET ME SOME SEA PRUNES NOW!

Unlucky Palace Servant: (is terrified) Yes, Fire Lady.

* * *

Katara: What do you think Aang and Toph are up to?

Zuko: Knowing them? Probably taking a few inches off the top of some mountain somewhere

Katara: (giggles) How do they get themselves into so much trouble?

Zuko: I recall you getting yourself into quite a lot of trouble when you were their age.

Katara: Two years ago?

Zuko: Well. Maybe a little younger.

Katara: Hmph. I think it was YOU getting me in trouble, Mr. I'll-Save-You-From-the-Pirates

Zuko: Hey! I wasn't the one who stole a Waterbending scroll.

Katara: No. But you DID tie me to a tree.

Zuko: Well... Yeah, I did. But it turned out alright.

Katara: Hey. You don't think Aang and Toph are... Ew...

Zuko: Aang and Toph are what?

Katara: Are... getting into THAT kind of trouble together...

Zuko: Oh Agni! Gross. They're like siblings. They can't... Hold on a minute, I have to go scrub my brain.

* * *

Sokka: Hey there Katara! How's my favorite nephew doing in there?

Katara: ... Zuko put you up to this, didn't he?

Sokka: What?

Katara: MY BABY IS A GIRL DARN IT

* * *

Suki: Katara? Are you alright? You look positively green.

Katara: I... ugh... What idiot ordered sea prunes?! You're fired!

Sokka: But what's wrong with sea prunes now? They're you favorite!

Unlucky Palace Servant: Uh, you did, Your Majesty.

Katara: …Oh. Um. Just… throw them away then. As for favorite, I don't think a smell has ever been more nauseating in my life.

Zuko: Finally! You concede that sea prunes are gross.

Unlucky Palace Servant: But Your Majesty, if I may, we went through a lot of expense to obtain those-

Katara: They're making me sick…

Unlucky Palace Servant: They were quite expensive but we wanted to fulfill the Fire Lady's request.

Katara: (gagging) I _said_, 'Throw them away'! Are you QUESTIONING ME?

Unlucky Palace Servant: N-n-no Your Majesty...

Katara: Is it because I'm a water bender? You think waterbenders _have_ to eat sea prunes? Well I don't!

Zuko: Katara, please calm down-

Katara: I AM COMPLETELY CALM!

* * *

_A/N: If it isn't already apparent, that cannot possibly be the end. I shall continue. Not sure when though, because my primary concern is finishing my more serious Zutara fic, Blue- (if you haven't yet read it I beg you do it now). But this plot bunny refused to die until I had written it out. Hopefully now I can focus on other things. (Unlikely) Anywho, please review! It is food for my soul! Fuel for my writing! Review and you shall receive more Zutara! And just maybe I'll incorporate your ideas into my fic!_


	2. Chapter 2

Katara: Zuko, I've just realized. We haven't discussed what to name her.

Zuko: Him.

Katara: _Her_.

Sokka: Ooh, ooh! I've got one! Name him Sun!

Katara: IT'S A GIRL, Sokka.

Sokka: Then when you introduce him, you can say 'This is my son, Sun'!

Zuko: No. I am not naming my son Sun. That's just… stupid.

Katara: Don't tell me you tried to name Solan that.

Sokka: Suki wouldn't let me!

Katara: Thank La.

Zuko: How about Iroh?

Katara: We couldn't name the kid Iroh. Even if she was a boy. That would get confusing when they both were around.

Zuko: I don't think it would, but whatever you say. …What about Makoto?

Katara: Who's that?

Zuko: No one. I just like the name. It's Fire Nation in origin, but the consonants are reminiscent of the Water Tribe, too.

Katara: So you _have_ been thinking about this! Oh, Zuko the name's perfect!

Zuko: Of course. I'm glad you like it.

Katara: Too bad it's a boy's name.

Sokka: So you're not going to name my nephew Sun?

Katara: FOR THE LAST TIME, MY BABY'S A GIRL! And that's stupid!

Zuko: Alright. Say it is a girl. What would be a good girl's name?

Katara: I was thinking Kya. After my mother.

Zuko: Wait. You can name the baby after your mother, but I can't name him after my Uncle?

Katara: It's different! Uncle Iroh is still alive!

Zuko: But- but it's not fair!

Katara: Don't be a baby.

Sokka: Yeah, Flames for Brains.

Zuko: You've been waiting to use that, haven't you?

Sokka: You better believe it!

Zuko: (rolls his eyes) If you want to name a girl Kya, I get to name a boy Iroh.

Katara: No! I'm telling you, it wouldn't work.

Zuko: Would.

Katara: Wouldn't.

Zuko: Would.

Katara: Wouldn't! And fine, I won't name her Kya, just _shut up_! …I've also been thinking Akira. It's a Water Tribe name, I know, but I really like how it sounds with our names. Zuko, Katara, Akira.

Zuko: I love it.

Katara: Really?

Zuko: (sweeps her into a hug and gives her a long kiss) Really.

Sokka: MY EYES. THEY'RE BURNING!

(Katara grins and pointedly gives Zuko another long kiss)

(Sokka runs away screaming)

* * *

Iroh: Zuko, my nephew, of course you'll be a good father.

Zuko: But I really don't know what I'm doing. I've never even really been _around _children. What if I'm awful at it?

Iroh: Just remember your own experiences as a child. You can learn a lot about parenting by what your own parents did.

Zuko: …Don't challenge your son to an Agni Kai, don't burn his face, and don't banish him?

Iroh: Well, in your case it would be your experiences with your honorary father.

Zuko: Oh. Right.

Iroh: Let me tell you a secret, nephew. About parents. (leans in and whispers) None of them actually know what they're doing.

Zuko: …That's reassuring.

Iroh: (laughs jovially) Isn't it? When there's no rules, it's hard to mess up.

Zuko: Or really easy…

Iroh: Now. Weren't you going to have a nice, relaxing cup of tea with me?

* * *

Katara: I'm worried, Suki.

Suki: Why?

Katara: Well… what if my child is a waterbender?

Suki: What on earth is worrisome about that?

Katara: Because my firstborn child will one day rule the Fire Nation.

Suki: And…?

Katara: Well, how do you think the people of fire will take it if they're ruled by a waterbender?

Suki: (chuckles) You're hilarious, Katara.

Katara: No I'm not! It's a legitimate concern!

Suki: Katara, the people of fire are already ruled by a waterbender.

Katara: No they're-! Oh. You mean me.

Suki: Duh. There hasn't been a massive revolt yet, has there?

Katara: No…

Suki: There. You see? Everything's going to be fine.

* * *

Zuko: Katara, I made you a present!

Katara: Oh! A bowl! Oh, that's so funny.

Zuko: Yeah. Since you were so upset about that one breaking I thought you might like it replaced.

Katara: I've never known you to be artsy. But this is pretty decent work, hon.

Zuko: (teasing) Just decent?

Katara: (oblivious) Well, yeah. I mean, you can still see some small fissures in the clay. And this spot here is missing a coat of glaze, I think, since it's lighter- (Zuko takes it out of her hands) Hey!

Zuko: (mumbling) I'll show _you _decent…

* * *

Zuko: (lying in bed) Katara, make the baby stop kicking me.

Katara: The baby does what she wants. Believe me, if I could make her stop, I would. She's bruising my insides.

Zuko: He.

Katara: She.

Zuko: _He._ Move over and give me some room.

Katara: (whining) But you make a comfy pillow, Zuko.

Zuko: Aw Katara-

Katara: YOU ARE NOT MOVING FROM THIS SPOT.

* * *

_A/N: The plot bunny yet refuses to die. So here's an update for you. I know it's significantly shorter than the first chapter but I think it's pretty good anyways. And again, please visit my other story Blue. And review this. And review Blue. Thanks ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

Sokka: So Katara, I've been compiling a list.

Katara: Mhm…? You're always making lists.

Sokka: Well don't make it sound like it's a bad thing! I'll have you know that list-making is very therapeutic-

Katara: What's the list for Sokka?

Sokka: Oh! Right. I'm making a list of all the things I'm going to do with my new nephew!

Katara: …I'm not sure whether to think that's sweet or hit you because MY BABY'S A GIRL.

Sokka: First off! I'm going to introduce him to the wonders of meat.

Katara: _She_ won't be weaned for quite a few months-

Sokka: Second! I'm going to teach him how to use a boomerang.

Katara: A boomerang? (image of mini-Sokka appears in her head) Oh La no.

Sokka: Third! We're going to-

Katara: Besides, she's a firebender.

Sokka: go spear fishing- Wait. What?

Katara: What?

Sokka: A firebender?

Katara: Huh. I guess so. I didn't really realize until just now but I've kind of known all along…

Sokka: What?

oOo

Sokka: My nephew's going to be a firebender!

Suki: I thought you couldn't tell if a kid was a bender until they were around 7?

Sokka: Psh. If Katara says he's a firebender, he's a firebender.

Suki: Katara also says your 'nephew' is a girl.

Sokka: Shh, that's different. But do you know what this means?

Suki: That succession won't be as much of an issue as Katara was worried about?

Sokka: He's going to burn down our curtains!

Suki: (stares at Sokka for a long time) …Why would you ever come to that conclusion?

Sokka: Meh! Have you ever spent time around young benders? Katara always splashed me or froze me or dumped snow on me- I'm telling you our curtains are not safe!

Suki: Shouldn't you be more worried about _you _getting burned than the curtains? What even made you think about them?!

Sokka: I just bought the curtains! They are the perfect accent piece and they're going to be ruined… (grown man sobbing)

Suki: …

oOo

Zuko: Why are we doing this again?

Katara: Because Sokka's my brother and Suki's our friend.

Zuko: Right. (holds Solan out at arm's length) (Solan gurgles and blows bubbles)

Katara: You're doing it wrong.

Zuko: I'm not doing anything! How can I be wrong?

Katara: (rolls her eyes) Bring him closer to your body. He's not going to bite you.

Zuko: But… Oh fine. (pause) This is not fair. Why do they get to have a night off?

Katara: You're just upset because Solan peed on you.

Zuko: And you're only in a good mood because I got peed on.

(Katara giggles)

Zuko: (sighs in frustration) I'm not good at this.

Katara: What do you mean? Of course you are.

Zuko: I can't even take care of my nephew for one night! How am I supposed to take care of our own child?

Katara: Zuko. You can't beat yourself up because you messed up one diaper change. Your first, I might add.

Zuko: Yeah but- (Solan yawns loudly and snuggles into Zuko's chest) (Zuko melts)

Katara: (looks on smugly) You'll do just fine.

oOo

Toph: We're back!

Sokka: I kind of noticed. Hard to miss the flying bison and all.

Aang: Katara!

Katara: Hi! (gives bone-crushing hug)

Aang: (suffocating) Hey- um- I think you're squishing the baby…

Katara: (jumps back) Oh no! I'm so sorry sweetie! (rubs stomach)

Toph: You're pretty far along now, Sugar Queen. Just look at that baby bump! Somehow I didn't expect it.

Zuko: Yeah. She's beautiful, isn't she? (big goo-goo eyes)

(Sokka gagging)

Toph: Dwah. Stop being cute, I feel less manly.

Aang: Would you stop using that phrase? You are a girl. A very pretty, tough girl…

Toph: Stop.

Aang: (laughs nervously) Katara! I brought you a present! (rummages around bags in Appa's saddle)

Katara: Aw Aang you didn't have… to… (looks sideways at raggedy thing in Aang's hand)

Aang: It was mine when I was growing up. I thought the baby might like it.

Katara: Um. That's very thoughtful of you…

Zuko: What in Agni's name is it?

Aang: A stuffed platypus-bear! See? There's its eyes, and there's the bill… (points to indeterminate lumps)

(Toph is laughing uncontrollably)

Aang: Hey! What's so funny Toph?

Toph: (smirks and nudges him) Nothing. You.

(Aang turns pink)

Zuko: (turns to Katara) You seeing what I'm seeing?

Katara: Yep.

Zuko: Gross.

Sokka: (around mouthful of food that mysteriously appeared just that second) Whaf's grosth?

oOo

Toph: Hey Sugar- Katara. Can I… talk to you for a second?

Katara: Is something wrong?

Toph: No, no, nothing like that. I just… well, you and Zuko are so happy…

Katara: Yeah…

Toph: How did you… I mean, when you first got together…

Katara: You want me to tell you how to confess to Aang?

Toph: (flushes crimson) Hey! I never said I liked that lily-livered-

Katara: It's okay. I can tell.

Toph: …Is it that obvious?

Katara: Well, I don't know. I know you two pretty well.

Toph: You _two_? What am I, split personality?

Katara: No, Aang! He likes you back you know.

Toph: Oh. I know that.

Katara: You do?

Toph: I read heartbeats, remember? He's just so stubborn. It's been years, Sweetness, and he's never made a move! It's like he's afraid of me.

Katara: I can't believe I'm telling you this… Just kiss him.

Toph: What?

Katara: You don't want to make a big deal out of it, right? So just go for it.

Toph: Yeah. Yeah. Alright. (exits determinedly)

(Katara retches at the image of her adoptive younger siblings kissing)

oOo

Zuko: This is very weird.

Sokka: Tell me about it.

Zuko: I always thought I'd have to threaten Aang's future girlfriend so she'd treat him right.

Sokka: Isn't that a little backwards? Shouldn't you want to threaten Toph's boyfriend?

Zuko: I am not afraid for Toph in the slightest.

Sokka: Me either.

Zuko: So which one of us is going to threaten Toph? For being Aang's girlfriend?

Sokka: You are. And you're going to drink a lot of beer first.

Zuko: For courage?

Sokka: For the pain.

oOo

(Katara is quietly knitting a pair of baby slippers) (Enter Zuko)

Zuko: Hey, babe. Take a look at this! (produces new bowl with a flourish)

Katara: (drops her knitting) Oh Zuko! Did you make this?

(Zuko nods proudly)

Katara: Oh it's so beautiful! Look at the dragons along the side! You really painted this?!

Zuko: What? I'm talented!

Katara: Of course, it's just- Wow. What should I do with it? It's a little big to be a soup bowl.

Zuko: I don't know. I was thinking you could keep water in it. A decorative water basin.

Katara: Yeah! That'd be nice. I can pull water from the air if I want, but it's kind of tiring, so having a bending source around... I could put it on the table down there! Oh, but it's kind of low... Actually, all the furniture in here is kind of low. Didn't we say we should keep it clear? For the baby?

Zuko: …

Katara: Something wrong, hon?

Zuko: (takes bowl back, grumbling) Stupid baby-proofing…

* * *

_A/N: I crack myself up with this! It's coming to a close now though :( Next chapter is probably the last one. Once again don't forget to check out Blue!_


End file.
